The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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