Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
