I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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