Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
