My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
