he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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