i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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