Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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