I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
