You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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