You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
