they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
