Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
