Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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