never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
