I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
