I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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