I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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