The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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