im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
