I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
