shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
