Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize