The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
