so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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