What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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