Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
