oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
