Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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