So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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