i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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