I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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