Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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