I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Randomize
