I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
