I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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