at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
