rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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