our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
