fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
