To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
