I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
