I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
