the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
