Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
