I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize