I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
...so i touched it.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
