never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Enjoy the penises
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
