My first STD was from a foam party
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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