i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
