I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the day after is always just damage control
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
