I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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