You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
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