He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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