i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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