Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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