just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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