Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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