What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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