Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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