yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
