Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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