I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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