Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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