people are starting to question the shark bite story
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
