just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
