apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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