so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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