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The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
