i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
