apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
