I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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