you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
