How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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