What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
