She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Small penises have feelings too.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
