checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize