You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
