he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
