is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
