you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize