I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
