I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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