i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We got so high we made milksteak
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
