I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
