I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
