just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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