Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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