u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
