two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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