Life is so much better after having sex.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
