You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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