it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
