yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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