God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
