I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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