so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize