Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
