Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
