Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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