You don't have asthma, your pregnant
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
