need another drink. this is the easiest way
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
