so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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