I can text with my tongue
Even the bartender felt bad for me
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
