Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize