I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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