D3 body, D1 cock
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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