Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
