apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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