Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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